He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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