you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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