Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
