like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
