so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
