honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
