first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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