so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
