There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
