This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
