i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
