I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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