Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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