If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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