you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
