I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
