And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
