if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
