I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
