Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
