they need to just BURY HIM!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
