The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
