There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
