Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
