There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
