dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize