he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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