yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
