this beer tastes like vomit already
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
