I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
