Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
