i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This is my gift to your gina
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
