im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
