My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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