hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
