Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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