i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
