Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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