i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
