This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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