I wish I could teleport
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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