so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
