for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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