I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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