1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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