There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
