If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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