She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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