Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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