So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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