hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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