i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
