why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
