i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
