I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
