Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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