He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
