i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
