Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
