living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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