Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
