Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
