you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
