You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
