We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
