party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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